Equality between men and women: myth or reality? Do we need equality? The fight for equality between women and men.

Why should I give up my seat to someone my age?! Gender equality gives women the opportunity to pay alimony and stand on the subway.

The public movement "Father's Committee" proposes, in the event of a divorce, to demand alimony for the maintenance of a minor child from the initiator of the divorce. If the child remains with him, then the opposite party is simply released from child support. Considering that in Russia, as a rule, women are the initiators of divorce, many accused the committee members of wanting to relieve men of responsibility for children, who in most cases remain with their mothers. Lenta spoke with the founder of the Interregional Fathers' Committee, Igor Serebryany, about the controversial initiative, as well as feminism, problems of the Christian world and the phenomenon of black lesbians with disabilities.

Alimony and child support

“Lenta”: Often women file for divorce due to domestic violence, drunkenness and irresponsibility of their husbands. Do you want to exempt such citizens from even having to pay child support for their own children?

Serebryany: You most likely did not see the document, but only read what the media wrote. The point of our proposal is not to a priori award alimony to the party who initiates the divorce. The judicial procedure for divorce is not going anywhere.

And if during the trial it turns out that one of the parents - it doesn’t matter, mother or father, we do not specifically use gender designations - files for divorce, and the court sees that the other party is adequate, this is not a drug addict, not an alcoholic, not a rowdy, not criminal... That divorce occurs for some purely emotional, not objective reasons - in this case, we propose to launch this amendment. Knowing that there is such a norm in the Family Code, they may think a hundred times more about whether it is worth breaking up their family for the sake of their personal ambitions.

But 80 percent of divorces in Russia are initiated by women. Let's consider a standard situation: dad drinks “moderately” on weekends in the company of friends, does not perform parenting duties well enough, and therefore mother is dissatisfied with him (and not just that she “dislikes” him). According to your proposal, if the children stay with her, then the father does not owe them anything.

No, you are drawing the wrong conclusions. What does it mean “does not fulfill his parental responsibilities well enough”?

In the subjective opinion of the mother.

This is why the trial takes place, to exclude any subjectivity. If the mother says, they say, he comes home late, then this, the fifth and the tenth... Maybe he doesn’t drink with friends, but works three jobs! The wife will prove her point of view, and the husband will show documents: look, he works three jobs.

Do you think there are many fathers who work three jobs and their wives unfairly blame them?

As the founder of the Interregional Fathers' Committee, I mainly communicate with such fathers. I’ll admit right away: I don’t have objective statistics, but over the seven years of work, more than three thousand people have passed through us. These are responsible parents who call me in tears. How often do you meet a man crying? And I communicate with them every day. They don’t see any guilt behind them, they work three jobs, and their wives, in a fit of depression, hormonal shift or something else, take their children away from them.

Perhaps these are special cases. Is it necessary to change legislation because of them?

Three thousand cases, and three or four a day are growing... These are not special cases, this is most likely the mainstream.

Do you think that in our country there really is a problem with alimony workers - women who get married only in order to, after giving birth to a child, get divorced and receive alimony?

Yes, there is such a problem. It's clear as day. There are completely open sites on the Internet where young beautiful girls (or intermediaries) absolutely openly offer themselves to rich men. In fact, this is such legalized prostitution, but girls go for it - there are queues, all of Russia strives to go to Moscow, to the oligarchs. Why are they doing this? They will “fly away” from this oligarch and seize his dachas, factories and ships.

The Problem of Christian Civilization

Do you think the current situation with fathers’ rights (in our country or abroad) is a sign of the times or have fathers always had fewer rights to their children?

You correctly noted - “here or abroad.” We are friends with the Canadian Association for Equality, with the Bulgarian movement “Fathers for Responsible Parenthood”. This problem is common to Christian civilization. In the West, it was provoked by a wave of feminism in the 1920s. In the USSR, this began after the Bolsheviks came to power, to whom the patriarchal family was economically and politically hostile - for their own reasons, they needed to dismantle this unit of society. Under Stalin, this policy was completely official and open. Motherhood and childhood were proclaimed the sacred cow of the state.

But a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then.

And this still hasn’t gone away. Everywhere there is a mother and child room, there is the concept of “maternity capital”, there is a committee for women, children and family affairs. But have you seen a father and child room anywhere in the country? Have you heard anything about “dad capital”? There is no committee for men and fathers. There is a party called “Women of Russia” (and there are tons of them in general, mother’s ones). But there are few fatherly organizations; we are the first swallows.

In Russia, purposeful and insidious government policies drove men out of social life, since men are more inclined to rebel... In general, in Russia, in essence, there is a matriarchy, and officially. A huge number of documents talk about the role of mothers and women. We counted about 40 of them, and exactly zero documents that would say even a word about the rights of a man, a father.

In your opinion, should we stick to traditional values? A man is a breadwinner, a woman is a keeper of the family hearth.

I would say it's just the opposite. What you are saying are imposed ideological schemes invented at the top. If we take the biological and social aspects, then a man is much better suited for raising children than a woman. A woman, purely biologically, is needed by a child for the period of breastfeeding. But after this, the main aspect of his upbringing is not feeding, but socialization. Even the most rabid feminists will not argue with the fact that men do this much better. Simply because they are more included in society, psychologically more balanced, more adequate.

Is that more adequate?

I practically never saw - and I have a trained eye - men, other than outright rednecks, who would shout at their children. Mothers do this one at a time. You take the subway, walk down the street, and you constantly hear wild screams. You turn around and the mother is pulling the child by the collar. With whom do you think the child is calmer and more comfortable?

Ideally, it would be good for a woman to go on maternity leave during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and for a man to support her during this time. But then it would be nice to switch their places - let the woman go to work (they cry that because of their children they cannot have a career). This is especially important for boys who need a male role model.

If you have such views, then don't you like the Swedish model of society? There, at the state level, fathers are encouraged to take maternity leave.

I don't know anything about Sweden specifically, but that's basically what I'm talking about.

Patriarchal society and feminists

Don’t you think that the current situation in Russia is precisely due to the stereotypes of a patriarchal society?

That's what we're talking about. But in modern post-industrial society there is no clear distribution of roles. Both men and women can tap computer keys. That’s why I urge you not to say “mother and father,” but to say “parents.” In Moscow there is no need to plow the land or lay sleepers. Why do we still leave mothers with children when fathers are better able to raise them?

Then it’s not clear why you don’t like the feminists whom you blame for everything?

The conflict with feminists is that we, like the Canadian Association for Equality, advocate equal rights and responsibilities between the sexes. And feminists advocate for matriarchy, for male slavery, women have no responsibilities, only rights.

Do you believe that feminists advocate matriarchy and not gender equality?

Those feminists and feminists I spoke with had the impression that all is not well with the conservatory (then again, maybe I was talking to the wrong people). Either they have sexual problems, or their skating rink moved in childhood, but it is impossible to discuss seriously with them, they do not have a clear argument. With the same Maria Arbatova, if we meet on television, I end the conversation after two minutes. It is impossible to talk with an opponent whose argument is about who will squeal who.

In your opinion, our women have much more rights in terms of motherhood and raising children than men. What is the situation in general in terms of gender equality?

In any sense.

Explain what you mean.

For example, in our metro it is written that you need to give up your seats to women, disabled people and passengers with children. Why should I give up my seat, for example, to someone my age who is not sick or pregnant?

Actually, “pregnant women, elderly people, disabled people and passengers with children,” and not just women.

This means that men with children also need to give in! In America or Canada, for example, a woman simply will not understand you; if you give up your seat to her, she will be offended.

Oppressed white man

What are your Western colleagues fighting for if everything is fine with them?

Canadians are fighting for men's rights. In the West, in North America, the most oppressed social group is middle-aged white men.

On what basis are such conclusions made?

There is a formal reverse discrimination policy. When considering a candidate for any vacancy, priorities are distributed in the following order: persons with disabilities, people of color, representatives of the indigenous population, women, representatives of non-traditional sexual orientation. Straight white men are sixth in line.

But these quotas are introduced to solve the problem of social inequality. Otherwise, the able-bodied white man will be the first to be hired, in accordance with established social practices. The rest will have a very small chance of getting this place - as was the case until recently.

I disagree; any quotas lead to the degradation of society and the economy. They will hire not the one who performs his function better, but some black disabled lesbian who will do nothing...

Why neither? Do you think there can be no qualified professionals among black lesbians with disabilities?

Quite possibly.

But many such people are denied, because there is a healthy white man who can do the same. There are a lot of sociological studies that show that in the absence of regulations, the employer, all other things being equal, makes a choice in favor of a healthy white man rather than a representative of minorities.

I have not seen such studies, so I cannot comment.

Interviewed by Mikhail Karpov, Lenta

Feminism has been gaining momentum lately. Women demand equal rights from men in all spheres of life, from family life to career.

But is this equality as real as it seems to us, or is it still a myth?

Equality does not mean equality

All the misunderstandings associated with this issue are that many women (as well as men) confuse equality with equality.

Forgetting that by nature they are structured completely differently, women begin to compete with men for a leading role, which causes fair dissatisfaction among the latter, while the women themselves completely lose their inherent character traits, turning into tough businesswomen.

I observed such a transformation in the example of a good friend of mine. Having married early, she was a housewife for quite a long time, but several years ago, with the help of her husband, she managed to start her own business, which went quite successfully.

And then it turned out that all this time the makings of a military leader lay dormant in my friend. From a sweet and loving wife, she turned into a boss, giving orders not only in her office, but also at home. Conversations about equality began to be heard without stopping.

“Yes, I now earn more than him, and in general we have long had equality between men and women. Why should I cook some kind of dinner?” my friend often reasoned while sitting with me over a cup of tea. I don’t know whether the reason was the notorious equality or whether there were some other problems in their family, but a year later they divorced.

Now my friend lives alone, successfully runs her own business and seems to be quite happy with her situation. But personally, I have a different opinion on this matter.

I am for equality, but wisely!

No, don’t think about it, I have nothing against equal rights for men and women. On the contrary, I believe that women should be given opportunities on an equal basis with men, and I myself have protested more than once against the role of an obedient and uncomplaining housewife.

But, having the notorious equality, you need to be able to use it correctly. It is not at all necessary to organize a marathon, proving that you are smarter, more entrepreneurial and more successful. In the end, nature makes it so that men are stronger than us, well...or they want to feel like they are.

Starting to fight for equality, competing or constantly proving something, a woman puts herself in the position of a rival, adopting qualities that are not inherent to her, which ultimately negatively affects family relationships.

Equality is real if it is based not on competition, but on mutual respect. And we can achieve such equality in our usual ways - gently, carefully and wisely :)

What do you think, is equality between men and women a myth or reality?

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Girls, what is happening? Why do we allow men to push us around, control us, turn us into housekeepers and slaves of their desires? Everything written below can be considered a manifesto for the equality of men and women or a cry from the heart, but I believe that we should not allow patriarchy to take over our minds!

Everyday gender equality

I'm not asking women to start doing men's work. I propose from now on and forever to share everything honestly. Equality in the family is not only the right to vote for both spouses.

You, your spouse, common-law husband or boyfriend - both work. You're both getting tired. But when he comes home, the man sits comfortably on the sofa or goes out to drink beer with friends (plays a video game console). You continue your workday in the kitchen, work with the children, and clean the house. A woman knows no rest. Not fair. While you cook, your significant other could vacuum. While you are cleaning the floors, he could go for a walk with the children or check on their homework. Responsibilities must be divided equally. Then you will have time that you can spend together, as a family, enjoying communication, and not wild fatigue. Send him to the store periodically so you never hear again: “You spend too much!” Let him become imbued with the country's pricing policy.

I note that not all men are opposed to such equality in the family. Most decent family men are even in favor. They just don’t dare offer us something like this. If you have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband, he will most likely meet you halfway.

It's time to establish a new order in the family, which will mark equality between men and women. The mother of the family equally has the right to rest and get together with her friends.

Housewife does not mean slave

For the good of the family

Many women, due to circumstances, come to the conclusion that thetime interval they will be more useful at home. They take care of all the housework and childcare. They don’t complain, don’t ask for help or rest. However, in most families the following problem arises. The husband, as the breadwinner of the family and the only one who brings money into the house, gradually begins to consider himself a kind of deity against whom you cannot say a word. Moreover, the lower his salary, the higher his ambitions. What to do in such a situation? How to restore women's equality in the family? If the reluctance to work is your whim and laziness, go to work. Raise yourself to the level of your husband.

When you simply cannot find a decent job or the salary is not worth the effort and time spent, if you think that you will be more useful at home and the status of a “housewife” has been agreed upon with your husband, remind your spouse of this. You are comfortably settled within four walls for the benefit of the family, and your husband doesn’t even know about the lion’s share of household chores and problems. Prove to him that your contribution to the family is no less important than a salary delivered on time. Outline what will happen to the house and children if you stop fulfilling your responsibilities. Do not beg his merits, clearly demonstrate that your home bustle gives the right to declare gender equality.

Maternity leave – unpaid work

A similar situation arises when a woman stays at home due to maternity leave. He sits for himself, watches TV series, corresponds with friends on VKontakte, sometimes washes the floor, prepares food hastily - this is exactly what husbands think. A woman on maternity leave does nothing at all. Relaxes to the fullest, justifying the prefix “vacation”. So it was with me.

After my first birth, I quickly went to work to bring financial benefit to the family. The grandmothers took care of the child. After the birth of the second, the situation changed. The grandmothers got older, the work was no longer inspiring due to the meager wages, the eldest child went to school - a responsible first grade. I decided not to think about work until I was three years old.

The problems began a year after the birth of my second child. I wanted to return to a full life, my husband decided that I did not have the right to do this. I can't relax, have fun, meet my friends. More precisely, I can, but only with an armful of children. And in general, he was tired of supporting me. Attempts to make money on the Internet ended in pangs of conscience - the children were abandoned. The night shift led to chronic lack of sleep.

Then I decided to have a serious conversation with my husband. She suggested that he take leave to care for the child and go get money herself. He, of course, immediately rejected this development of events. After which I began to fight for my rights in the family. I sat down to draw up a list of responsibilities with him. Against my 35 points, he only had four: bring money, a car, sometimes walk with the children and go to my mother-in-law’s dacha. My husband turned out to be a decent man in the end, he agreed that he didn’t work in a mine for 24 hours a day. span, and decided to help me.

Today we make all decisions in the house together, while he works with the children and household problems, he comes home and I sit down to work. No one is offended or stressed. We always relax together. We negotiate in turn with one grandmother, then with the other. If there is no one to help us, we stay at home together or take the children with us. One head is good, but two heads in a family are better, more peaceful and fair, and equality between men and women has been restored.

Girls, women, there is no need to give up on yourself and become a hardened housewife, cut off from civilization. Children and husband are important, but you shouldn’t neglect your own interests.

Equality in the right to betrayal and its consequences

Regarding the betrayal of one of the spouses. After scouring the Internet, I was left very indignant. I just can’t wrap my head around why we women should feel guilty both when we cheat and when our husband cheats. In a few articles, the idea is developed that the reason for our betrayal to a man should be sought in ourselves. Wives are advised to reconsider their attitude towards their husband, to love him, forgive him, cherish him, and try to save the family. There is no talk of any gender equality in the case of betrayal. Girls, we have achieved representation in the State Duma, can’t we really achieve an equal assessment of women’s and men’s weaknesses? Where is our pride, cunning, deceit, bitchiness in this case?

I am against the idea that a humiliated woman, after her husband’s betrayal, humiliates herself even more by trying to fix something. All this comes from apparent weakness and uncertainty. Don’t be afraid, if a man repents, he will crawl to you on his knees. Whether to forgive him or not is up to you to decide. Let him think about how to beg for your understanding, you should not apologize to the infidel for his betrayal.

If he considers himself unconditionally right and blames you for everything, think about whether this person is worth your love. This betrayal will not be the last. You will be tormented by guesses about how to behave in the event of your husband’s betrayal, how to improve your relationship with him. For what? Your attempts will not make his shoulder a reliable support. Act like an equal creature - find comfort outside your family. You will probably find in another man everything that you were missing in your husband. Just keep up the decency and do it after the divorce. Public opinion about certain things is difficult to change.

Epilogue

The examples given cannot be included in official documents in the section “Gender Equality”; they cannot be proposed to be included in the constitution. These things should be firmly ingrained in people's minds. Equality between a man and a woman should be manifested not only in the equal right of both to a high position and salary, but also law vote or the right to education.

Equality between men and women must begin in the family. It must exclude selfishness and narcissism. Husband and wife should treat each other with an equal degree of care and understanding. When choosing wallpaper, pots or a car, the opinion of both should be taken into account, and not the strong one.

For this to happen, we need to stop seeing men as the masters of our lives. You need to stop being afraid to make important decisions and learn to defend your point of view and your interests. A woman does not need to develop physical strength, she must have strength in character. To every man's fist knock on the table, a woman should be able to respond confidently, calmly, briefly, succinctly and categorically.

Gender equality is a pressing issue even in modern society. You don’t need to go far, take a closer look around you. Many people think that this problem is a legacy of the past and ancient centuries, but practice shows the opposite, take, for example, the very modern professions of IT specialists, where the absolute overwhelming number of workers are male. So much for gender biases, especially since the work is mostly sedentary and you don’t need to swing a blacksmith’s hammer, besides, women are by no means dumber than men, and in many ways are even more disciplined, thanks to which they achieve success in a male environment. When biases and gender preferences are present, a person's workplace can become very stressful, especially if the individual does not fit the general gender mold. In developed Western countries, violation of gender equality may result in claims against the employer, which neutralizes most of the accumulated contradictions; so to speak, the disadvantaged side, most often the female one, lets off steam and reduces the pressure within a closed social system. Gender in a job application is increasingly considered a modified form of prejudice and discrimination and should have no place in business. The sooner society realizes this fact, the faster it will develop economically and even culturally. Naturally, with religious beliefs everything is more complicated and theological disputes will continue for centuries and beyond.

At this stage of human development, in most cases conventionally male professions dominate; if there is female dominance anywhere, it is mainly due to the fact that men cannot be lured into this sector of the national economy even with candy, i.e. There is some kind of reverse gender discrimination, men left the profession of their own free will due to either low pay or low prestige, and poor women had to fill the niche, since the female gender is squeezed out of more prestigious niches, which does not create many political problems and often goes unnoticed.

Here's a look at some of the most common types of gender discrimination you may encounter in the workplace and what you can do to prevent discriminatory practices. We will vary the order from simple to complex, and even if you fail to find a solution, then just knowing that there is a problem or starting a dialogue is already half the battle.

Unequal wages- one of the obvious problems lying on the surface.
The issue of equal pay between men and women is quite politicized in society and in countries with developed democracies it is resolved at the legislative level or by regulatory documents of other branches of government. If somewhere there remains a problem on this issue, then for the sake of the female population’s votes in elections, the topic is diligently promoted in political debates, which allows the problem to be effectively solved. The good news for modern employers is that they no longer have to be part of the problem when hiring engineers, administrators, managers, workers, etc. Make sure that employee salaries and your relationship system are based not on gender preferences, but on work experience and professional qualities. The moment you allow gender to play a role in pay, you become part of future problems and possible lawsuits against you.

Interviewing and list of questions asked when applying for a job- a more subtle level of gender preferences. Most often it manifests itself in interviewing men and women differently. For example, you will definitely ask the woman the following questions: “Do you have children? Or do you have plans to have children?” Both of these issues have zero impact on the quality of an employee's performance at work. Questions about family and family life should be outside the boundaries of preference, in some cases they are simply illegal. Every woman has or plans to have children and this does not affect her skills in the profession; perhaps the presence of children affects the professionalism and dedication of men much more. Cases where preference is given, or even more so when employees are dismissed due to supposed maternity leave, are unacceptable.

Reducing assigned duties and responsibilities- another way to highlight gender inequality. When you're unloading boxes from a truck and a female colleague wants to help, the right thing to do is to let her help you. Snarky banter and sexist remarks will not be tolerated. Many employers will be surprised to learn that some of the women in your factories and departments lift more weight than the men. This subtle gender bias shows that employee inequality is accepted. The same principles apply to standard position responsibilities; if you have two equally qualified administrators, one male and one female, you need to give them equal responsibilities.

Very clever way of gender discrimination - toilets, believe your eyes, where it is impossible to bypass the legislation directly, toilet discrimination very often helps. It is much easier for men to physically overcome any unsanitary conditions: step foot into the toilet, you can even plug your sensitive nose and close your eyes, do the job and walk safely. The employer's first responsibility is to prevent toilets and showers from becoming completely unsanitary, which, by the way, happens all the time in men's groups. On the other hand, women administrators and engineers are not your maids or your mothers to clean up after men; if the team does not want to self-organize on this issue, you can always resort to the help of trade unions and include administrative resources.

Differences in communication with subordinates- another gender problem. Analyze how you communicate with your employees. Do you talk differently to men and women? To check, record your work day on a digital voice recorder and analyze it at your leisure; if there is some kind of gender discrimination, change your behavior. The next time you talk to an employee of the same gender, try comparing your communication with employees of the other gender. If you find that your style is different when talking to men than to women, make adjustments. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to start talking to everyone like a robot, but if you find that your conversational style is really only suitable for male company, then of course you need to change. Adopting a gender-neutral conversation style is the right decision in any matter. Let's skip the collective drinking bouts, etc.

Glass ceiling- a term introduced by women in the struggle for their rights, when promotion or career ladder comes up against an invisible obstacle, characterized by nothing but gender preferences. The question employers need to ask themselves is: Can your male and female employees climb equally high on the ladder of opportunity? If not, why not? Are there good reasons to install a glass ceiling? If possible, remove any glass ceiling. Each employee, regardless of gender, should have equal opportunity with others; other things being equal, men and women will be able to achieve any career levels that take into account only their skills and professional characteristics.

Positional bias- another level of gender inequality. For example, it is believed that a woman is better suited for a secretary or receptionist, which infringes on the rights of men to occupy this position. But in the company's security service, preference is given to men in the first line of defense, which infringes on the rights of women. This type of gender bias is rampant in all types of businesses. I advise you not to fall into the clutches of a terrible stereotype, otherwise you may miss out on hiring the most talented and more suitable applicant for the job. For example, most men are very suitable for the position of secretary, can make responsible and correct decisions in the workplace, and can help the manager successfully organize working hours. At the same time, many women have hand-to-hand combat skills and are attentive to their job responsibilities, especially if the troublemaker or commercial spy is also a woman and simply flirting with the opposite sex will no longer allow you to lull your vigilance and commit an offense. Be open to men working in roles in traditionally female-filled sectors and women applying for positions typically occupied by men.

Termination of employment relationship- next point. What are the reasons for an employee's dismissal? Have you ever had the experience of firing an employee who was involved in sexual harassment, or perhaps, on the contrary, have you had to leave an employee under these circumstances? In any case, impartiality helps; if you dismiss XX chromosome carrier in a particular case, you must be sure that you will do the same with XY chromosome carrier. Rules and policies must apply to both genders across the board, with no exceptions.

Outdated views of society- is also a cause of gender inequality. It is necessary to boldly face the truth. Society does not stand still and has changed especially over the past decades. If you hold views that were popular even in the nineties of the twentieth century, then you are hopelessly behind and this may negatively affect your business. The concept that women should adhere to some outdated fashion standard and the presence of this kind of reasoning in itself is already outdated and hinders the advancement of business and should be eradicated from any workplace. Women can be professional without wearing a business suit or dress, and men can be professional without wearing a tie. A striking example is today's young billionaires, some in a T-shirt and some in shorts at work. The workplace should not be confused with a club for English gentlemen and tea ceremonies for ladies.

Sexual harassment- There is no way around this problem. It would be very remiss of any manager or employer to overlook this problem. There are many reasons why companies should have sound sexual harassment policies in place, especially in workplaces where male-dominated leadership is prevalent. It is clear that it is easier for a boss to put pressure on a subordinate sexually than vice versa. Those who are not serious about this issue can be seen as walking through a minefield; sooner or later the mine will go off, and serious legal and public problems can come back to haunt the company in court and in loss of public support. Every responsible person should know that there are no circumstances where sexual harassment is permitted.

Having looked at all of the above, have you found shades of gender bias in your workplace? Often, gender bias is difficult to recognize and even more difficult to eliminate. Do everything you can to prevent this from slipping in different directions, and your business will be much happier and healthier.