The ability to apologize is an art. How to learn not to make excuses to anyone No apologies for what is important to you
I want to talk to you about honesty. I don't want to speak in my own words. Why? Because she sometimes interferes with my life and I don’t want to admit it. It turns out that I'm being dishonest with myself. Okay, here's what I found on the internet
Every person dreams of a kind and honest friend, spouse, boss, co-worker. Is not it? Kindness and honesty are qualities that most people try to find in other people, forgetting that first of all they need to be like that themselves.
What is honesty? Let's talk about honesty. It is worth trying to define this rather difficult concept. Honesty is a character trait when a person always tells the truth and tries not to lie under any circumstances. He avoids lies and omissions. Honesty is the ability to always admit that you are wrong, it is the ability to never make excuses, to be sincere in any situation. An honest person has a conscience that never sleeps, which strictly controls all his actions and actions.
About types of honesty There are two types of honesty - honesty with other people and honesty with yourself. At first glance, it seems that being completely honest with yourself is very easy. However, it is not. Very often people fall into a network of illusions they themselves create and can remain in them for a long time. For example, there are cases when a person considers another person to be his most sincere friend, trusts him in everything, helps him, and years later it turns out that friendship as such did not exist. It’s just that the first one wanted to believe in this holy feeling, and the other simply skillfully took advantage of its principles. Therefore, it is very important to never deceive yourself. Now let's talk about honesty with others. What does this concept include? First of all, it is being true to your word. An honest person will always keep his promise and help in difficult times. You can trust him like yourself. He always speaks to the point and would rather remain silent than flatter and sing praises.
Is it easy to be honest? Unfortunately, being honest in the modern world is very difficult, since deception, meanness and betrayal can be found at every step. In most cases, they love those people who can cheat, avoid answering, or lavish compliments. That is why man has an unbearably difficult mission to bring kindness and light to this world. Honesty is not only a quality of character, but also a duty of those people who consider themselves highly moral. There are several reasons why people choose to be honest. Those who believe in God will say that the seventh commandment says: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” And they will be completely right in living according to the Lord’s instructions. Others, non-believers, can also be no less honest, since they cannot live otherwise. Thus, we can conclude that honesty is achieved in different ways. Honesty of a person also lies in the eradication of lies. He will try with all his might to prevent the other from lying, and in any situation he will strive to ensure that justice prevails.
Laws of the Universe Honesty is living according to the laws of the Universe. It is worth noting that they are all honest. For example, the boomerang law. He did a good deed - it will definitely return in the future, he committed an evil deed and, it seems, has already forgotten about it, but no, he will return, and at the most inopportune moment. Honestly, isn't it?
A little about straightforwardness However, it is worth distinguishing between honesty and excessive straightforwardness, or even rudeness. An honest person is always correct, although he speaks the truth. A straightforward person says everything he thinks about, without even realizing that his words are not always appropriate and can hurt his neighbor. When speaking the truth, be, first of all, correct.
Be honest and sincere, and then your conscience will always remain calm. Also, do not forget that you need to be sincere to yourself. Good luck to you in this difficult but very necessary task!
I won’t ask you the question, are you even? just talk about honesty)
Question or no question) I googled quotes and aphorisms about honesty) choose any button)
and as always we poke - we don’t poke) we think - we don’t think) we speak - we don’t speak) we are kind and easy to communicate)
Life will become much easier if you learn one of the main rules that no one owes anyone anything. There is no need to make excuses to anyone for anything.
- Your life situation and your circumstances do not need explanations or justifications. If you are divorced, you still do not have children, you live with your parents, although you are already well over 30, or you welcome a civil marriage, you should not explain to anyone the reasons for your actions. Only you are fully aware of all the circumstances and subtleties of your life, which means that you have good reasons to create and maintain it just like that, and these reasons do not concern anyone but you.
- Your ideas, beliefs and priorities do not need proof or approval from others. All thoughts about how to build your life, what values to rely on and what can be done for the happiness and well-being of your close circle and yourself are your individual program. Each person is unique in his own way, and accordingly, his views, dreams, values and aspirations are also unique, and the priorities of different people can differ radically. You are a mature personality who sets her own priorities, and there is no need to report to anyone for them.
- You don't have to apologize or make excuses if you're not ashamed. There is no point in “fictitiously” asking for forgiveness if you do not consider yourself guilty or if you are not sorry. Very often, people try to quickly apologize in order to smooth out the conflict and heal the “hole” in the relationship, while deep down they understand that they are wrong. Such imaginary requests for forgiveness cause irreparable harm to the person asking, and rather than restore, rather, destroy the relationship. In any case, in this life you owe only to yourself, therefore, first of all, take care of your own mental balance.
- Time spent alone with yourself is your personal living space. There is no need to enter into a lengthy explanation and make excuses if you have a need to be alone. There is no need to be afraid of earning a reputation as an unsociable and antisocial person if you need a break or a time out to relax and “reset.” Even if you just wanted to read a book alone, then you have every right to do so. Most people simply need these breaks from communication from time to time. So feel free to refuse invitations or change plans if you feel the need to rest, without inventing non-existent reasons for excuses.
- There is no need to agree with anyone's position. Do not pretend by nodding your head that you agree with the beliefs that they are passionately trying to impose on you, but which are very far from your own. It is not only wrong, but also unfair, to show approval against your will. This applies to both your opponent and yourself. Why accumulate disappointment, disagreement or irritation inside, if you can simply disagree or calmly object, arguing your point of view.
- You don't have to say yes at all. You have the right to say “no” and refuse a person if you do not have serious reasons and arguments to agree. The art of refusal is one of the main factors of success, because a person does not engage in those things that are not a priority for him and do not correspond to his life values. Of course, no one is advocating being ungrateful or not recognizing the kindness of others, but firmly say “no” to anything that gets in the way or distracts you from your own path and goals.
- Your appearance is your personal manifestation in the world. You can be bald or curly-haired, slim or strongly built, beautiful or ordinary, but you don’t need to explain to anyone why you are that way. Appearance should not have a significant impact on self-esteem and self-confidence. You are a unique human being who has every right to self-expression.
- You shouldn't even try to explain your taste preferences to someone. What you eat and what you like is only for your own good. Some foods may be unacceptable to you for various reasons, ranging from their appearance and taste to individual intolerance. If someone, especially persistent and indelicate, pesters you with questions like why you eat this (don’t eat it), then you should not pay attention to such provocations. At the very least, answer that your health improves greatly when you eat this way.
Don't waste your precious time and energy on any excuses that, moreover, are of no use to anyone.
In the morning you looked at the world, ringing your huge bells, and today you are annoying your friend, who rolled her eyes from impotence, with stories about the fecal quality of the public masses. The world is not perfect. It's like you didn't know that. But, you see, with your complaints and pathetic excuses you will not make your life better, and you will not make the world a better place.
Complaining is harmful to health
Complaints are said to be unusually harmful to health. British scientists conducted an experiment by sending a guy about 22 years old to a metallurgical factory. Briefly about the guy: young, handsome, cannot find himself, constantly complains about life and the unbearable injustice of existence. He doesn’t work because he doesn’t know what to do, he sits on his parents’ necks and travels abroad every summer. He goes to premieres, does not deny himself anything, and still rushes between the Scylla of reflection and the Charybdis of inconsistency. Just a bastard.
Many people rarely think about who to pour out their souls to. And the world is full of individuals whose lives are filled with suffering, and not with your Hamlet lamentations about the futility of existence. This is at the very least indecent and ugly.
In addition, by complaining about all sorts of nasty things, you compromise yourself, clearly demonstrating your helplessness. Why would people want to deal with such a sad little bastard? If they wanted to do business with a teller of awesome stories, they would probably call him. Today you crap on one person with verbal diarrhea in front of them, and tomorrow you will crap on them. You don’t have to make excuses, they’ve already made their conclusions.
Nature of the complaint
What is a complaint? A complaint is a manifestation of the brain’s natural fixation on the bad. Well, that’s how we are built, negativity evokes in us more burning emotions than something pleasant, be it the end of the dull Grammy ceremony, the gastronomic ecstasy of the taste buds after eating delicious shawarma, or the emotions from listening to the collector’s edition of Mikhail Boyarsky’s best hits. You will spend another 35 minutes blaspheming in your head (and with bad upbringing you will swear in vain) burdened with family and products from the market, the mother who trampled your suede at New Balances.
In general, a rock star, taking advantage of his friendship status, regularly calls with an extremely important message: a brief report on the stupidity of music producers, the unprofessionalism of sound engineers and the backwardness of the audience. He writes his own shit and rejoices, wondering why material consisting of plagiarism of all the rock of the 80s and 90s is interesting only to a narrow circle of admirers. Adapting to the market, trying and writing something for the needs of the public is the lot of cattle. It’s easier for him to be an unrecognized genius and console himself with the thought of the injustice of the world than to try to either change the industry or change himself.
And people who are forced to listen to your whining and, judging by your behavior, take notes, end up becoming infected with this pernicious negativity themselves. And then two strange things happen:
- the smart ones get tired of your empty chatter and tell you to fuck off;
- they are stupid and themselves begin to see the negative in everything.
Stop ruining humanity! It’s already crap, but the country won’t tolerate a crowd of sad, worthless complainers. Nobody can stand it. Even Malakhov, who listens to the whining of drunks from Ust-Kamenogorsk every day.
It's okay to complain sometimes. Some make a career out of this as a journalist or blogger. Complaining is always a bad habit. Remember, a legless veteran of an unnecessary war, an African boy hungry and sick with AIDS since birth, a bankrupt fire victim and Uwe Boll laugh merrily when they hear about your problems.
The absurdity of the excuse
Never make excuses. Your friends don't need this, your enemies won't believe you.
– Elbert Hubbard, American writer and philosopher –
When he was young, handsome and not yet an alcoholic, he proudly wore lieutenant epaulettes on his uniform and bravely sent soldiers to attack. His career was building successfully, and soon Winnie approached the management staff. In that headquarters, I must say, there was a gloomy atmosphere. The fact is that correspondents who recently returned from the front line wrote a devastating article in which they criticized the entire General Staff for lack of professionalism. The gentlemen officers became worried. Some demanded satisfaction, others offered to steal away in the alley, and still others, together with the general, hastened to write a refutation to the professionals from the newspaper. And only Winnie retained common sense and tried to dissuade his colleagues from such a stupid idea.
I said that it would be undignified and even indecent for a high officer of the army headquarters to conduct a controversy in the newspaper about the conduct of operations with a correspondent; that I was sure that the government and the military department would be furious, that the army should be protected by politicians and high-ranking officials from the General Staff. No matter how good the arguments, the mere fact of justification will be universally perceived as a sign of weakness.
Here Churchill, as in many things, turned out to be much more perspicacious than his comrades. It’s not for nothing that the man became prime minister.
Let's figure it out, who can demand an explanation from you? Only people who, for some reason, are higher than you. For example, the bosses - for a mediocre job done. And then, you should not make excuses, but explain why you did this. There is an ocean of differences between these seemingly identical concepts.
There is an element of cowardice in justification: you are trying to please others, hoping to save face. But is it necessary to do this, especially in front of individuals of equal status to you? No. If you made a fatal mistake, then simply apologize and admit it. There's a lot more courage in that than in cackling. Yes, yes, it is with cackling that many people associate any attempt to justify themselves. You're just discrediting yourself. Making excuses is the same as admitting that you are a criminal and at the same time claiming that you had no other choice. So don’t expect to look respectable after an acquittal. Making excuses puts you down a notch.
A strong and free person always believes in himself more than... His own actions are more significant. But only the guilty person or the one who greatly depends on the opinion of others is acquitted, and depending on him is a very thankless task.
If you feel guilty when you make an excuse, then there's something wrong with you, guy. If you stoop to making excuses, then you are being manipulated. And we need to get rid of any social manipulation. And the sooner the better. Even when you make excuses for the fact that you cannot go somewhere, you look undignified, the thought immediately arises in the person: “So he’s lying, since he makes excuses like that; That means he came up with it." But it’s not your fault that you can’t or don’t want to go somewhere. Never make excuses for compliments given or for things you couldn’t do because there were more important things to do. If you admit your guilt, then it’s better. Only weaklings make excuses.
Often we apologize out of concern for what others will think of us, or because we put their feelings before our needs. But there are many situations in our lives where an apology is not needed.
We'll tell you about 15 situations in which you don't need to apologize, even if you thought differently before.
No apologies for love
Be happy that you are able to love. There are many people in the world who are afraid to love another. And it doesn’t matter who you love, and whether your feelings are mutual. The fact that you can love is what matters.
No apologies for saying "no"
Respecting your boundaries is an indicator of self-respect. If you don't have the ability to give 100 percent to something, you should never apologize for it. The ability to say “no” is a sign of a good leader.
No apologies for the dream
Your life is yours and if you live with regret, it is your choice. Never apologize for following your dreams because that is what defines you. You can make your life truly fulfilling only by making your dreams come true, and not by living your life dreaming.
No apologies for taking time to yourself
It is possible to achieve a harmonious, happy, successful life by devoting time to yourself. Always take care of your needs and wants and take time for yourself to do things that bring you joy.
No apologies for what matters to you
Never allow yourself to feel guilty about what is important to you. Always take care to follow your prioritization. If it's important to you, then it's important. The people who really deserve to be in your life will accept your choice.
No apologies for ending a toxic relationship.
You shouldn't apologize for leaving someone who hurts you. Understanding that an unhealthy relationship is dragging you down and sapping your energy is the first step to success. Respect yourself, be in the company of those who help you become better and move forward.
No apologies for your imperfections
Imperfections are what make you beautiful and unique. And this is something that you need to accept as part of yourself. Never apologize for the qualities that make you imperfectly perfect.
No apology for your values
Never apologize for your values, moral views, religious affiliation, or spiritual beliefs. Leaders never apologize for what they believe.
No apologies for not knowing the answer
Learn all your life and you will never grow old. Never say you're sorry when you're dating someone you can learn from. Being able to admit that you may not know something is a sign of strength and humility.
No apologies for high expectations
Don't apologize for expecting others to do what you do yourself. Having high expectations just means that you care about others enough to expect the best from them.
No apologies for taking care of yourself.
Never apologize for taking care of yourself. By buying yourself something good, you increase your self-esteem. Happy and successful people know their needs and the importance of meeting them for a happy life.
No apologies for others
Everyone is responsible for their own behavior and actions. You don't need to apologize for others, even if you feel they might associate themselves with you.
No apologies for creativity
Never apologize for not knowing the dance moves, for example, or perhaps not dancing well or not getting into the rhythm - just dance! The joy of dancing is worth any embarrassment.
No apologies for the long response
Successful people understand that prioritization can sometimes affect how quickly emails and calls are answered. Never apologize for answering to what's more important first.
No apologies for the truth
Strong people speak the truth. Never apologize for your strength. Even if the truth is not always pleasant, the benefits of honesty are far more important than the temporary pain of the truth.
Be honest with yourself and don't worry about what others might think of you. Excessive guilt and inappropriate apologies reduce self-esteem. Only apologize when you actually made a mistake.
Do you think you say the word “sorry” a lot? You have an excessive feeling of guilt. Share your experience. We all learn from each other.
Have you ever wondered how to apologize properly? Of course, each of us knows that a simple “sorry” is clearly not enough. The ability to apologize is a real art. This is why many of us find it so difficult to learn how to apologize properly. Of course, first of all, the person you are asking for forgiveness from must feel that it comes from your heart. Your interlocutor must understand that you really regret what you said, and are not apologizing “just for show.” If you don’t apologize in time and admit your mistakes, you can ruin even the best and strongest relationships forever. But how can you learn to apologize not just beautifully, but also correctly? Today we will try to understand this difficult issue.
"I'm sorry" is just the beginning
This phrase is suitable for children in kindergarten who will apologize for taking away a pencil or breaking a cube. For adult relationships (whether family or love), this is extremely little. A person should know that you are not just uttering cliched words, you really want to be forgiven, so you are very repentant. You should explain to your interlocutor what exactly you are apologizing for, so it will be easier for him to believe in your sincerity.
Five steps to a successful apology
Of course, apologizing is an entire art, but it also has several step-by-step steps.
First, admit your guilt.
Second, explain why you did what you did.
The third is to express your remorse.
Fourth, offer to compensate for the damage (this will be appropriate if you caused some damage to a person, but it will not be suitable if you dragged a friend’s wife into bed).
Fifth, listen to your interlocutor.
Is it right to always be honest?
Honesty is a trait that we remember too late. But still try to be honest with your loved ones, because then at such a moment it will be a little easier for you. And in addition to your own guilt, you won’t have to apologize for lying. In the art of apology there is such a step as a “strategic apology”, this is a lie whose main purpose is to increase the self-esteem of the victim (if in this case it was affected).
An apology will take time
If receiving this forgiveness is important, you should be prepared for the fact that it can be quite a lengthy process. Not all people are ready to immediately understand and forgive, someone needs to think, come to their senses, understand whether you should even be given a second chance - you need to be prepared for this. If, after all the sincere apologies and persuasion you have accepted, the interlocutor does not give his forgiveness, then in this case only time will become a healer. Try to somehow sweeten the situation, ask if he needs something, if you can somehow influence his favorable decision, but under no circumstances put pressure on the person.
It's never too late to apologize!
It is necessary to apologize immediately after making a mistake and realizing it. But due to various life situations, there are times when apologies are made after five, ten, forty years. In general, it doesn’t matter when, because it’s never too late to remove the stone burden from your soul, the main thing is to be heard.
Now that you know the five steps to obtaining forgiveness, you will find it easier to apologize. Of course, it would be great to never make mistakes, but, alas, we are only human.
